Tue | Aug 21, 2018

Single but iffy to mingle: Dating a Daddy

Published:Monday | June 11, 2018 | 12:00 AM

In honouring Father's Day, I've decided to custom fit the occasion into our single but iffy to mingle series. Recently, I had a very interesting conversation with a complete stranger actually. I had met him through a friend and being the serial flirter that I am, it had its perks and it's downfalls, I turned up the heat so to speak. Little did I know that he was a Zaddy!

He laughed at my jokes and probably thought I was crazy - not a lie either but I'm the good kind. I was however shocked when he turned to me and said, "Before you go any further, I should let you know that I have a son." Was that a repellent? I looked him in the eyes and responded, "Your son is not a deterrent, he's a blessing." I went on to note if we do get serious, I understand that you're a package deal and I accept. I had to ask if that was a thing, would women really give up without even trying because he had a child. And he replied, "You'd be surprised."

What started out as harmless fun took a turn around the table of food for thought. Now don't get me wrong: it would have been too soon to be making serious moves on a man I barely knew, but the encounter did have me thinking: is being a single daddy a deal-breaker for women? By my now friend's experience: the answer would be a solid yes.

Apparently, some women see the package as baggage, and have no intentions of claiming it. I'm hoping that it isn't that they're set against children and don't want that responsibility, maybe that is the case, but that they might be trying to avoid the excess weight of the baby momma and all the drama that is most likely to follow suit. There's nothing like a woman scorned and some mothers have a way of making the father of their child(ren) and their spouse pay due to their jealousy or a broken heart.

That drama is not easy and it's not pretty. I've been there but I never truly let it stop me for finding. Here's a few things I learned on that journey:

Having a child can consequently boost his nurturing, caring, loving and protective nature and that will bode well for you in your possible relationship.

They may work on a schedule. You work around it and ensure that you're okay with it - please don't compete with his offspring, it will get you through the door faster than Usain Bolt crossing the finish line.

Encourage father-daughter or father-son time and give them the space and freedom to spend quality time. When the time is right, you can engage in fun activities, and make three the best company

 

DON'T TRY TOO HARD

 

If you're introduced, get to meet and greet the child(ren), try not to over-impress: children can smell when you're trying too hard and they won't trust you or like you. Develop a level of rapport and get to know his child as an individual. After all, they are an extension of the man pursuing you. You might find that they are more amazing than you ever could have imagined and can give Dad insight into how he can handle certain situations, both good and bad.

Respect the mother of his child. I know this will be hard especially if she's spewing hateful derogatory words in your direction often. But you're better than that: by the mature person and walk away or avoid conflict. You're no walkover either, so if it gets too serious, answer in a firm but respectful manner.

Dads need to step up to the plate too and defend their first mates, if things get out of hand. If that's not happening, if he's not establishing you, something might still be brewing between the two: you need not be a party to that.

Be open and honest with your Zaddy. If things aren't going according to plan A then work on plan B, C, and D, until you've completed the alphabet or the liking mission, whichever comes first.

Honestly, if this single daddy really checks for you, then see what he's about first before you dismiss him altogether. You never know if he's the one for you. Added bonus: if he's an awesome dad already, imagine when you both make a bundle of joy or two together: you will have nothing to worry about because Super dad with all the experience has it covered.

P.S. Find out if he's a deadbeat dad. If he isn't supporting his child or his sole purpose in life is to be fruitful and multiply all over, then put a cease-and-desist order on that courting from the start: you don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

krysta.anderson@gleanerjm.com